“Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear” (Mother Teresa, 1979). Born Agnes Bojaxhiu, most know her as Mother Teresa of Calcutta. Dubbed “The Saint of the Gutters,” the Catholic church seeks to name her a saint in their church. With that attention, excerpts from her diaries and personal letters that were published in a Time Magazine article, Mother Teresa’s Crisis of Faith (David Van Biema, 8/23/07), are coming to light again.
“When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven, there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul. I am told God loves me and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul” (Agnes Bojaxhiu). Her personal correspondence suggests that this was a struggle that she had for more than 50 years before her death, and it never left her. A 16th century Catholic author named this malady of faith the “dark night” of the soul. We don’t know the source of darkness that was in her. There could be several reasons: her devotion to a man-made institution (Matt. 7:21-23), emotional disability or depression. All of these could have played a factor in her deep despondency toward God. What we do know is that she was someone the world thought was so close to God, yet she felt so far from Him. Are you ever in danger of feeling the same?
Consider these words of David. “As for me, I said in my alarm, ‘I am cut off from before Your eyes’; Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications When I cried to You. O love the LORD, all you His godly ones! The LORD preserves the faithful And fully recompenses the proud doer. Be strong and let your heart take courage, All you who hope in the LORD. How blessed is the man to whom the LORD does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit! I acknowledged my sin to You, And my iniquity I did not hide; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD’; And You forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah” (Psa. 31:22-24; 32:2,5). Whether it is from guilt or lack of faith that we find ourselves separated from God, He is the one we need to turn to. “God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble” (Psa. 46:1).
If you are struggling with clinical depression, I would advise you to seek professional help. However, if you are dealing with matters of faith, you must draw near to God (Heb. 7:25; 10:22; Jas. 4:8). The words of God are a breath of fresh air to those who are weary in faith and long to be closer to Him in the comfort of trust. “This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your word has revived me” (Psa. 119:50, 25, 28, 82).