When you set out to resolve a conflict with a brother or sister in Christ (i.e., to be “reconciled,” as Jesus instructed in Matthew 5:23-24), you should have a clear goal in mind and even seek to communicate that goal. The goal should not be oriented toward “selfish ambition” (Phil. 2:3), but it should be focused on the health of long-term Christian relationships (Gen. 13:8; 1 Cor. 6:7), the overall health and unity of the church (Psa. 133:1; Eph. 4:2-3), and how the world (i.e., unbelievers) may be impacted by this conflict (John 13:34-35; 1 John 4:19-21). In other words, when it comes to conflict between brethren, there is always a “bigger picture” to keep in mind.
Let me start with those same words again: When you set out to resolve a conflict with a brother or sister in Christ…read Romans 12. After you read Romans 12, go and practice Romans 12—especially verses 1 through 21. Even if “the other person” doesn’t, that does not let you off the hook from doing right (Luke 6:31; Rom. 13:8-10; 1 Cor. 13:4-7).
Listen. Consider. Listen more. Speak less. Think about heaven. Forgive. Pray. Repeat.