Conflict will happen in life. There are many reasons why, but the important thing is how we deal with it. Will we represent Christ well or will we follow the unhealthy paths of common conflict practices? The book of proverbs offers some great wisdom in dealing with and avoiding conflict.
• “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1).
• “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, But the slow to anger calms a dispute” (Prov. 15:18).
• “When a man’s ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him” (Prov. 16:7).
• “A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression” (Prov. 19:11).
• “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a citadel” (Prov. 18:19).
• “A worthless man digs up evil, while his words are like scorching fire. A perverse man spreads strife, and a slanderer separates intimate friends” (Prov. 16:27-28).
• “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him” (Prov. 18:13).
• “Do not go out hastily to argue your case; Otherwise, what will you do in the end, when your neighbor humiliates you? Argue your case with your neighbor, and do not reveal the secret of another, or he who hears it will reproach you, And the evil report about you will not pass away” (Prov. 25:8-10).
These passages offer some great information when dealing with conflict. When the tension starts, our first words can help deescalate the situation. Saying, “Calm down,” is not helpful, but there are gentle responses that can help. If someone has an issue with you, say, “I’m sorry I offended you. Can we talk about it?” If you have an issue with another say, “When you said or did [enter offense here], it made me feel [enter emotion here]. Can we talk about it?” It is important to acknowledge your part of the conflict and offer a path to a solution. Leave room for mistakes or misunderstandings on your part. It shows that you are willing to be reasonable and not demanding. The three main areas these passages cover are being slow to react, paying attention to our language, and not spreading or creating more conflict. It happens that these are the areas where healthy resolution most often break down. We should be striving for a solution that is best for all parties involved. We are not trying to get back at them or make them hurt like we hurt. Our words need to be for the edification and building up of the future relationship. It might not be easy, but the relationship can be healthier afterwards.