In practically every relationship, there is someone who drives things in the relationship and someone who is more passive and follows the lead. This is not necessarily a bad thing for either party and is usually a good (and necessary) thing. This dynamic is found within marriages, the workplace and in the church. And, it most definitely exists between parents and children. The question for your family is: who (parent or child) is the one who drives things in the relationship and who (parent or child) is the one who follows the lead?
Think about some basic sentence structure to place parents and children in their proper roles. Most simple sentences have a subject (the one who “does” the action), a verb (the action) and a direct object (the one who “receives” the action). With that simple explanation, consider these sentences from God regarding the parent-child relationship.
To parents: “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them…” (Deut. 6:7). “Train up a child…” (Prov. 22:6). “Bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).
To children: “Listen…to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching” (Prov. 1:8). “Honor your father and mother” (Eph. 6:2). “Obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord” (Col. 3:20).
So, parents are the ones who are to teach, train and admonish. Children are the ones who are to listen, honor and obey. How is it that some homes have reversed these roles, and children are the ones who teach, train and admonish, and the parents are the ones who listen, honor and obey?
Parents, if you don’t “parent” your kids, then they will “parent” you. Who is going to be the one who drives things in your home (and relationship)? Who is going to decide which movies are appropriate, which games are going to be played, what clothes are going to be worn, what language is going to be used, what attitude is going to be permitted, what tone is going to be accepted, what respect is going to be expected, what responsibility is going to be exercised, what priorities are going to be set, what place the church is going to have, what behavior will be required in worship, what church services will be attended, etc., etc.?
In every parent-child relationship, someone is going to take the lead and someone is going to follow. Parents, you cannot focus on being your child’s friend, being cool and being accepted by them and their friends, and at the same time fulfill God’s leadership role for parents. Are you the parent?