As long as the mouse stays outside the house, we don’t pay him any attention and assume that he is just doing the things that a mouse would do. But, as soon as we become aware that the lowly mouse has breached the security of our domain, we are intent on catching the little varmint. We buy a mouse trap, bait the mouse trap and set the mouse trap, waiting to catch a mouse in the wrong place at the wrong time. And, when we do, there is a great sense of satisfaction, believing that all is right in the world.
It is not a perfect parallel, but I wonder if we ever do the same sort of thing toward our children—whether our own children living at home or just children in general (including the kids at church). Could the following scenario be accurate in any way?
As long as the child lives and behaves within certain parameters that we have set for children (whether we have communicated those parameters or not), we may not pay him much attention and assume that he is just doing the things a good child would be doing. But, as soon as we become aware that the lowly kid may have stepped outside our preferred boundaries, we are intent on catching the unsuspecting little rascal doing something wrong. We contrive some sort of trap, we bait the trap (making it look good) and set the trap (knowing there’s a good chance that he’ll take the bait), and then we wait, just hoping to catch the kid in the wrong place at the wrong time. And, when we catch him, there is a great sense of satisfaction, believing that all is right in the world.
Have we ever done that? Have we ever done anything like that? How often do we hope to catch a kid doing wrong so that we can reprimand him, or so that we can prove a point, or so that we can flex our authority, or so that we can say, “I told you so”?
Friends, guess what? Kids are going to mess up! That should not bring us joy! That should not be something for which we long or even set a trap! Can you imagine someone doing that do you? Rather, when they make mistakes, we must decide: (1) do they realize it? (2) have they already recognized the repercussions of their actions? (3) how big a deal is this, in the grand scheme? (4) do I even need to say or do anything? (5) if I need to act, what is the balanced response?
On the other hand, I’d like to challenge all of us to do something a little different. Instead of trying to catch kids doing wrong, what if we set out to catch kids doing right, and then praised them for a good decision and an appropriate action? How would that help the child to develop and to seek to do what’s right more often? What would baiting a trap to encourage good choices look like? Isn’t that what we want?