You’ve done this, we all have. We start a project, book, resolution, and we start it very well. What is normally the hardest is finishing strong. Sometimes we take the opposite approach to the spiritual development of our children. We start too late in laying a foundation of practices and exemplifying Christian virtues. When the children reach adulthood and haven’t made a choice about their faith we wonder, “Where did I go wrong?” Let’s look at two things. First, some things that you can do to lay a good foundation with your young children. Second, some habits we can make with our older children that will help orient them in the faith.
Young children are great. Full of energy, always discovering things, and through their eyes everything is new. The ages 0-7 are extremely important formative years. In the first seven years of life, a foundation is laid that cannot be changed. This is the age of mimicking. They learn from doing and experiencing. They are cameras recording EVERYTHING. It is through these experiences that they form their ideas of what life is—what a father is, what a mother is, what a family is, what appropriate love is, what discipline is, what boundaries are, and what the word “no” means. Their mental chip is being programed by their environment. Have you ever said something or done something that was exactly like what your mom or dad did? That thing you said you would never do? Yeah, that’s the programing we are talking about.
Now take that idea and imagine the best possible environment for your child to grow in faith or knowledge of God. This environment would involve faithful attendance to worship and Bible class. This environment would involve a home that talks about God and has His precepts at its center. It would involve other faithful people of various age groups. Show your children what it looks like to be faithful in every age of life. In the home, it is imperative that you model godly living. When it is appropriate, answer questions with, “What does the Bible say about that?” Also, use inclusive language—“we” and “us”—in reference to acceptable and non-acceptable behavior. For example, “We don’t talk like that,” or “Very good, that’s how we (insert last name) act.” By doing this we reinforce the family bond and sense of belonging, and it will later translate to a sense of belonging to Christ and/or the church.
Now your question may be, “What do I do with my children that are already beyond that seven-year window?” Everything mentioned above, plus the following. Use family time—a meal or long car ride—to talk about what they or you learned in Bible class or worship. Then walk through how you would put it into practice. Ask questions like, “What would it look like?” “How would people respond to…?” “How would people feel if…?” Help them process the information they are receiving. Another practice for older children is to be open about age-appropriate faith struggles. It can be dangerous if we try to portray the image that Mom and Dad are spiritual giants that never struggle, doubt or fear. They need to see that these things are normal and you need to show them how to overcome these struggles. Incorporate other people. Show them that it is part of the life of a Christian. If they reach young adulthood without the proper tools or resources to work through problem- solving, life could be very rocky. Part of the process of spiritually and emotionally healthy children is allowing them to learn to struggle and problem-solve and overcome while they are with us. We allowed them space to learn to crawl and walk and run. They need the same space to do this spiritually. If we remove the struggle/work and hand them everything, we have taught them only to be beggars.
Lay the spiritual foundation while they are young. Create the optimal environment for spiritual formation. In the adolescent years, focus on application. Show them struggles and problem-solving skills. Get them involved in actives and with other people and mentors. Help them run, spiritually soar, and you will be able to say, “We finished strong.”