You’ve been in that moment. Someone receives bad news or something tragic has happened. What do you do? What do you say? You are left with these questions and others as you try to comfort your grieving friend or relative. The need is so great, we have a heart that wants to help, but often we are at a loss of the right course of action. When we look to the Scripture for examples of those who lost much, Job is at the top of the list. Even to those in the secular world the name of Job is a byword of great suffering. The lesser-known friends of Job contributed to his comfort and sorrow. Let us glean from their example of both the right and the wrong things to do in the face of grief.
It happened that after Satan had taken everything away from Job and attacked his health that he sat in the ashes scraping his skin with a piece of broken pottery. It is in this moment that Job responds to his wife, “Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” (Job 2:10). This is when Job’s friends arrive on the scene. “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, each one came from his own place…For they had made an appointment together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him…they lifted their voices and wept; and each one tore his robe and sprinkled dust on his head toward heaven. So, they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great” (Job 2:11-13). This passage highlights all the things that Job’s friend did right. They heard, they came, they coordinated the visit, they showed appropriate emotion, they showed solidarity with Job, they stayed seven days and nights, and they didn’t talk. Had they left their efforts to this, we would’ve had a shorter book and a better example of friends.
Where they went wrong was when they began to speak. Job breaks the silence with a lament in chapter three. Eliphaz is the first to speak and he says, “Remember now, who ever perished being innocent? Or where were the upright ever cut off? Even as I have seen, those who plow iniquity and sow trouble reap the same” (Job 4:7-8). He tells Job that it’s his fault he is suffering! They even go on to say his children were wicked and that’s why they died. They presume to know God’s will. God rebukes them, “My wrath is aroused against you and your two friends, for you have not spoken of Me what is right” (Job 42:7). Job rightfully calls them “sorry comforters” (Job 16:2).
What do we learn? Our presence and mourning with those who are mourning is enough (Rom. 12:15). Don’t try to find a why. Point them to the God of all comfort (2 Cor. 1:3-4).