There may be a chance that you would be the victim of a series of unfortunate events. Things like that happen. However, having a victim mindset is not a healthy thing. Most of us have done it at some point. A classic is, “It’s not my fault, he made me get mad!” It is not uncommon to hear people pass the blame of their own responsibilities. To someone with a victim mindset nothing is ever their fault. Everything happens to them, and life is out to get them. This can develop from not learning proper coping skills as a child, an unhealthy process of dealing with real trauma, or a deep need for attention.
Those that play the victim do not consciously make that choice. They seek the reward of their efforts. Some of this includes not having to take responsibility for anything, other people lavishing you with attention, and other people feeling sorry for you. There are others, but you get the point. The self-proclaimed victim needs to be the center of attention. While they may see themselves getting what they want, they will never get to a place where life is good. If they did, they wouldn’t get the attention that they have become dependent upon.
What would your friend need to do to stop being a victim? Here are some things to think about. They should change their blame language from “you” to “I” and take responsibility. They need to see themselves as a survivor much like Destiny’s Child suggests. They should be kind and compassionate towards themselves and seek help. Explore your mistaken beliefs or misconceptions that may have gotten them to this point. Ask, “What thought is creating this suffering?” Practice being thankful and seeing the good in their lives. Affirm self-responsibility and perform an act of kindness for another. These things will help them move to a healthier place.
Here are some suggestions on how you should work with a self-victimizer. Make it their problem, “How do you want to fix this?” Agree wholeheartedly that their life is horrible, maybe they will pump the brakes and the reverse psychology will work. Don’t give advice. It is a waste of time. Until they fix the thing that got them here, they will always want to be the victim. Realize that everyone is entitled to their beliefs, right or wrong. It’s okay if they are wrong. Surround yourself with friends to get a healthy perspective. Don’t let them make you feel like the antagonizer. Keep doing what is right, no matter what the victimizer says.
Unfortunately, this is a very popular coping mechanism right now. You will have to deal with it. Hopefully this has been helpful to prepare and be aware of this mentality.