What does the Bible say about the right of a wife to divorce her husband for looking at pornography? If he spends time looking at images of women (and thereby lusting for those women), can she, with God’s approval, get a divorce and even remarry at some point in the future?
Obviously, in our culture today, this is not a hypothetical question. Wives feel betrayed, disgusted and angry when they learn of their husband’s indiscretions with pornographic material. But, does she have a Scriptural right to put him away?
Jesus gave only one acceptable cause for divorce. “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery” (Matt. 19:9, ASV). “Fornication” means “unlawful sexual intercourse” (including adultery, homosexuality, prostitution, etc.). Therefore, by definition, fornication (i.e., Jesus’ one cause) is a physical act with another person. A person, alone by himself, cannot commit this sin.
This leads immediately to Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:28—“But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Does not Jesus say here (some would surmise) that to look upon a woman to lust for her is committing adultery? And, if adultery is fornication, then wouldn’t this be justification for divorce? Jesus is not teaching that here. Let’s examine it.
Look at how Jesus phrases this sin—“committed adultery with her in his heart.” As a type of fornication, adultery is also a physical act. Specifically, “adultery” means “unlawful intercourse with the spouse of another.” Just as fornication is a physical act involving at least two persons in the act, adultery is also a physical/sexual act involving at least two persons. By definition, these acts involve actual physical contact.
Jesus states that lust is a sin that takes place “in the heart.” What does that mean? It means that lust is equally as sinful as adultery, but it does not say that it is exactly the same in consequence. Read the same type of comparison between murder and hatred in Matthew 5:21-22. Are those two sins exactly the same? No, but they are equally sinful, and that is Jesus’ point. John wrote, “Whoever hates his brother is a murderer” (1 John 3:15). The eternal consequences are equal, but the here-and-now consequences are not.
Lusting for a woman is not the physical, sexual act that is involved in Jesus’ one cause for divorce. Lust is a sin that takes place in the heart. As betrayed as a spouse will feel, viewing pornography is not fornication. Men, you must overcome this addiction and throw yourself into rebuilding trust and saving your marriage. Thank God for your wife!