He saw her admiring her new white dress in the mirror. “Look Daddy! See how it spins!” she said as she twirled. He smiled in response, knowing one day that it would be a wedding dress and on that day he would have to give his little girl away. “Who will it be?” he thought. “Will he take care of her and make her happy?” More importantly, “Will he be a spiritual leader in the home?” Then, the thought occurred to him, “Will she be strong if he is not? What does she need to know, besides firearm training and hand-to-hand combat? Am I raising her to be ready for that day?”
He raised a good question. Are we raising our children to be ready for marriage? We are all doing our best to raise children that are ready and prepared to leave the nest. We make sure they get an education, that they choose a career that will sustain them. We also do our best to teach them the Bible, to educate them on God’s will for their lives and to exemplify that life before them. But, what are we purposely doing to raise them for being married, boys and girls alike?
The first place that children learn about marriage is in the home. Both good and bad behaviors are typically copied or transferred into their marriages, unless some purposeful effort is made. For example, how the son views his role as a father is seen in the role his father played, or didn’t play, in his life. How the son saw his father treat his mother will also be a factor in how he treats his wife. The same is true for the daughter. Her idea as to what a mother should do and how she should be treated as a wife are programmed into her by her parents.
What are we as parents to do? We need to model a healthy relationship before our children. I am not talking about a June and Ward Cleaver relationship. We do a disservice to our children by not resolving conflict in front of them. Now hear me—there are conflicts that could do harm if talked about in front of children. However, they need to see that conflict is normal and can be worked through.
Another aspect is that roles need to be clearly defined (Eph. 5:21-31; Col 3:17-21). God created marriage so it is only fair that we return to His word as an authority on the subject.
Parents also need to be respected. Men, do not let your children speak with disrespect to your betrothed. Wives, do not let your children speak with disdain concerning your husband (Eph. 6:1). These are just a few points of many that could be addressed. In general, if the attributes of Christ were modeled in the home towards every member, then most of the work would be done (Col. 3:1-16). Will they be ready for marriage? That is up to you. Are you modeling a healthy relationship with your spouse? Do your children know what marriage is about? It is never too early to start good habits.